I didn’t know whether to be comforted by that or not. I sniffed. I wasn’t ready for goodbye, not now or ever. I didn’t go out of my way for us to end here. I wished he had yelled at me or displayed his anger physically, anything but the cold quietness when he spoke.
I understood Felix needed time to process all I had told him and I was relieved when I got a text from Taribo stating Felix was fine. I knew the chances of ever wanting me back was next to null but I still hoped. I remembered the first time Laurette invited me to her office, and how amazed I was at how much she had achieved. I admired her, even more, when she recounted word for word the things I told her the first time we spoke at the restaurant. I was drawn in by everything and when she stole a kiss, I backed reminding her that I was married, she shrugged and responded with an okay and kissed me again. I should have backed out again but I didn’t.
Felix had requested I did not contact him, though it broke my heart, I respected his decision because he needed it.
It’s been over two weeks and five days, well I had been counting. The house was a mess, a reflection of my mind. I stayed in the house while Felix kicked himself out.
I needed to put the house and myself together. I listened to Heaven by Avicii as I set out to clean the house. I was halfway through the cleaning and needed to dispose of the dirt. I quickly ordered pizza. I sighed, I couldn’t believe I had been living like a pig, picking up the trash, I opened the door to find him at the door.
The door was pulled open before I could ring the doorbell. Olivia seemed surprised to see me. She was pretty sweaty, almost like she was working out.
I noticed she wore a pair of shorts and a plain crop top.
“May I come in?” I asked
She blinked before answering“ Uh, y-yes. I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Expecting someone else?” I asked, following her lead. The room looked clean, smelled good and felt warm.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone. You may have your seat,” she told me. “I wanna throw the dirt outside, can you give me less than a minute to do that?”
I nodded and made myself comfortable. She quickly reduced the volume of the speaker and stepped out, giving me a moment to take in the room. I helped myself with a glass of water.
“Would you like anything?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks. I just took a glass of water.” I told her as soon as she got in.
“I mean I wasn’t expecting you.” She said nervously not sure of the news I brought with me. “I ordered pizza a few minutes ago and it will be here soon.”
“No, I’m fine, thank you,” I assured her.
“Before you say anything, Felix I just want you to know that I’m sorry I hurt you in the worst way and betrayed your trust. I understand if you never want anything to do with me, I understand if you don’t see me the same way and whatever your decision is, I respect it.” She swallowed, fondling her hands nervously.
I sighed, “you are right, Liv. You betrayed my trust. You hurt me in the worst way, I may not see you the same way but-”
“But I want us to move past this.”
“Okay, I want that too,” she said, sniffing.
“I want you to know that I forgive you.” She looked relieved.
“Despite everything I want us to work, I still want you, I still love you. So, I need to know if you still want me like I do and are willing to work through this with me?”
“Yes! I’m all in Felix,” she said relieved and breathy. tears running down her eyes, but I wasn’t done, “There is one more thing.”
“Anything she responded.”
“We have to go through therapy.”
She was silent for a few minutes before nodding, “Whatever it takes for us to get past this. I am all in. Oh my God! I love you so much!” She hugged me, wetting my shoulder with her tears. I exhaled, whispering soothing words to her.
“I love you so much.” she kept repeating.
This was the start of a new beginning for us.