We all feel differently

The other day I was thinking… Just as I am now reflecting, are there people like me?

I mean, are there people who have delayed responses to things, even in extreme traumatic events?

Are there people who, instead of crying or shouting or even panicking, are still, almost as if numb and detached from the event, not wanting to talk about it, at least not in the moment?

I know it doesn't necessarily mean I'm in denial, even if it may appear so or that I don't know what the "expected" response is. But I guess it's because I'm still in shock, still taking it all in, still absorbing it all like a sponge.

Does that make me less of a human?

Emotionally incapacitated?

Maybe not—because days later, I do feel the impact and sometimes, I instantly wish I had reacted immediately. Why? Because when the feelings finally come, they erupt out of me in ways I least expect, unable to hold it all in, to hold it together, and it is overwhelmingly so. Yes, Unexpected. Uncontainable. Overwhelming.

I mean, feeling slow is still feeling, and I guess I don't need to wail to prove I'm hurting or to explain my silence to be understood, yet I see why people can perceive me that way, I see why people can see me as cold, even though I'm not. I just know we all feel things differently.